What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 14:04
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Is love natural, or is it somehow created?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I never cut or harmed myself..
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why do you think Filipinos are conservatives?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But ive been too sick for many years..
What questions are asked in a JP Morgan Hirevue interview?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Can you share 100 facts about yourself?
All the time i was locked up.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
How do flat earthers explain the Earth being stationary? Is this concept considered impossible?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why are you a Muslim? Why is it Islam for you and not something else?
One cannot live in the past .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Can you share a picture of your favorite outfit and explain why you love it?
Im still living with it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Is Matt Gaetz qualified to be Attorney General of the United States?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Women like what they hear while men like what they see, it that true?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do people think Mirko is boring in My Hero Academia?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What is your review of Hartley`s High School, Kolkata?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She loved him until the end.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
I don,t even have a pension.
She was in good health!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My life is so biszare .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I waited trembling.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My family never makes their pension either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was 9 years of age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were not on the streets..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What did i know ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So, i spoilt her more .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But, we were locked up after school.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She married twice! .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So whats the point in blame.
She found it foreign!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was seconnd youngest,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Comes on , in middle age.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I couldn’t, believe it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I will be 64.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ive learnt so much.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We all went to grammer schools
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it wasn’t much.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She wouldn,t have been !
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I think the readers, may guess!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I said to her
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
When she asked me how she looked .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Would this be the day?
I have no regrets .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
This is soul school!.